Recently, I came across a Facebook group called Manifesting Masters who offers a free 5-day challenge. This challenge takes little of your time and requires only your presence. Within this group, a question and thought popped up that I felt compelled to reply to.
Question posed: Why is it easier to add momentum to negative thoughts or thoughts which evoke negative emotions than to those which are in alignment with our wishes? Neuroscientists are clear on the opposite and yet here we are.
My response: I would venture to say that we grow up learning from our tribe first, community second and world population third. I would venture to say that we mimic after being taught to be loved (as all the above show love in various and oftentimes warped ways) and accepted for our souls are not, in my opinion, born to be alone. So, we stick to the traditional, out of longing to fit in and be loved and we struggle to break free of those bonds we've formed and habits we've mimicked. We struggle because in breaking free of those just mentioned, we isolate ourselves and even though we can't see far enough ahead, we can get caught up in the idea of the loneliness, thinking this is what it will be like if we break from traditions and our tribe. We fear being an outcast and labeled a trouble maker, a conspiracy theorist, or different in any manner. We've seen how those who break from the norm are treated and sometimes, we've participated in that ostracizing behavior. We experience the struggle of walking away and sometimes, it is just too hard thus we fall back.
That said, I embarked on this challenge after a week and weekend of what I considered to be devastating news. My boyfriend, who was supposed to be making some major life changes with me, left me after one lunch discussion in which I posed a question and statement regarding the stability and immediate future of our relationship. I had been working up the courage over the past two months by posing poignant questions regarding his dreams, goals, aspiration, what he was grateful for. Each of these topics were shut down in one statement answers which had no serious thought or relevance and he returned to his usual angry talk of various aspects of his life. He repeated his angry diatribe daily, multiple times, and daily turned into months of the same things. He proclaimed that he was at least taking his anger out on the right person or people however, his daily repeated “venting” was such an overpowering negative black hole that it was devastating our relationship. He mentioned a couple of times, in our year together, that I should be concerned if he were not interested in sex with me because that meant he was no longer interested in me (What? Are we in high school? Immaturity defined!). I suggested counseling and I received no response. What a kick in the gut! Getting back to those last words from him, two text messages and none were about our issues.
I've realized that helping others actually helps myself and I am fully aware of all that I say to others in an effort to help them is in fact, reflections of me and what I need to do, ponder or change! Soul satisfying this has become as I am finishing up a degree in Mind-Body Transformational Psychology and can only see more degrees in this field in the future.
All that said, the point to all this? I am sharing what I have learned through training, school and life; I am sharing that ultimately, you simply cannot have a truly loving relationship if you cannot connect on the mental and emotional levels with your partner. If you are never heard, if you are challenged and made fun of for any of your ideas, work or choices, then you are at constant odds and simply cannot thrive. Without looking at all aspects of the self and then the two as a couple, one cannot expect happiness. If you are not spoken to in your love language, and/or you do not speak to your mate (or friends, or co-workers) in their love languages, then the end is inevitable. We must all be open to the FACT that we simply are not perfect; there is not a single perfect human being on this planet and to think otherwise because you are paid well in your career, is to walk head first to your unhappiness.
The only given FACT in this life is that there is change. Even when we seem to not be changing, when things and situations continually come up the same, the same struggles; these are simply lessons we have yet to learn. Self-discovery and review of our inner most thoughts, beliefs and behaviors is the key to going with the flow of change and thriving. In the end for me, I have never felt so charged and full of confidence since being away from the negativity of that black hole. Being left by that darkness, allowed me to see my own light and all that is great and possible.
And, to be clear, feel free to call on me to work with you as your Life Coach to help you through your challenges that are most upsetting; together we can color your Mandala of Life! Let me help you to smile and shine in our life even during the storms. Many blessings on your day, may it bring awareness to you so that you can grow and prosper.